Response to "What There is to See at the Zoo" by Marianne Moore
Imagine a word without animals. It’s impossible! Is like a house without windows, a forest without tress, a human without lives. They are many people whose lives depend on animals such as farmers, vegetarians or even vets. Our word is surrounded by these species; respecting them must be our achievement not only for those who are independent but for all of us.
Moore had chosen certain animals in her essay and I believe she had a reason for mentioning these particular animals. Why she didn’t mention the dog, the fish, the cow and other animals that are in the zoo? Because she might wanted us to open our eyes and see these animals from a different point of view. Giving emphasis on not how they look like but how details are represented and how unique they are. This uniqueness is what she wanted us to realize and to draw our attention. What uniqueness these animals had?
Peacock is the first animal that Moore had mentioned. This bird is the biggest beautiful and colorful bird that now lives in the animal kingdom. Comparing this animal with a sparrow you will be able to see the uniqueness. A sparrow has just few colors mostly brown but a peacock has all the colors that you can imagine. Tiger is the second animal in the essay which is the largest for big cat and is the most popular animal in ancient methodology. In our days tiger is a mascot in many sport teams because of it’s strengthens. Moreover, zebra is the next animal that is the most recognizable animal because of its unique black and white stripes. Giraffe is the fourth animal that comes to show us the uniqueness of its neck. Is the only animal that has this long neck and is the only animal that when it feels threaten puts its neck into the ground having the sense that is hidden from the enemy. Elephant, however is a symbol of the largest mammal, such a huge animal with a weighted of thousands of kilograms comes to put its uniqueness not only for its weight but also for its history. Elephants are so close to mammoths which had lived thousands years before Christ which comes to show us that this kind of animal still exist in our days but with different details. Finally monkeys come to show us that are the most intelligent animals that have so many similes to human characteristics.
Mentioning all these uniqueness that these animals had there is no doubt that these animals are important in humanity and generally in earth. They created with so many details that we probably never realized before. These species can offer lot to the humanity, things that we might didn’t think. You will probably wonder what these animals can offer to you, might not offer lot to you but they offer to history and to other people. Peacock had offer a new line in fashion shows since it becomes an inspiration for many designers in designing their clothe collection. Tiger in some countries is the animal that supports their pray demands and is a symbol of a respectful animal. Zebra can be used as a way of transportation since it's a cousin to the horse. Giraffe can offer its eggs for a delicious food; elephants in Asian are a part of their culture and finally monkeys can offer an entertainment because of their intelligent especially in small kids.
For all the above reasons that these animals are giving either to us or to other people we are responsible for their existence. What is the point of killing these animals, either for their meat, for their skin or for their teeth? I think is pointless. Giving an end to these species we are destroying our earth. An earth without animals is meaningless. Our food, our milk, our surviving, comes from many species, that’s why respect is very important. Many writers had their inspiration from many animals as Moore had; painters had drawn the most buzzard painting by just seeing a bird or a peacock; songs have been written from the inspiration of a sound that comes out from the tiny mouth of a bird. I am sure that many of us we had a seen a monkey eating with a spoon, a tiger closing it’s one eye by their feet, a see lion shaking it’s hand and I am sure that we all have said ‘’ this is miracle’’.
Animals are miracles! It’s in our nature to protect what is important and unique to us and these miracles are important. We must respect them otherwise destroying the nature it will be a revenge for the nature to destroy us. Respecting not only the peacock, the tiger, the zebra, the giraffe, the elephant and the monkey but all the species starting from the tiny one to the biggest one because an earth without animals IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!
Alexandra, I really liked your essay. I believe it's very good, and the things you've said are interesting. Also,I liked the fact that you were using questions and the phrase "animals are miracles" is very nice. A thing that I didn't like is the fact that you put a lot of details and maybe you could use better vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteDear my classmate Alexandra..
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, am glad to see how you wrote your argument for animals. Based on your writing thoughts, I saw or if you prefer, I've noticed that you have described animals in such details as the writer. Your responce was clearly enough to understand that you also love animals, but believe me nobody from us, I mean people have so much concern about these creatures.
Firstly, I would like to mentioned that your essay was clear, but you got into many details in the fact of usefulness of animals. Your structure was good enough, but you should avoid repetition in some points which you referred for animals and nature.
Secondly, your vocabulary was improved, but I think you could use more phrases and words to describe your topic. Altough, the references you used from the book's essay was brilliant, but you should not use so many details.
Thirdly, your essay had a good structure and on each description you focused,you showed a student who follows a specific order to put its thoughts.
Finally, I would like to tell you that your responce essay was an essay interested to be read apart of some "mistakes" you've had. I want to suggest you to be more careful with your original phrases, to enrich your vocabulary and to not get in many details instead of a description or an argument. So, the effort counts honey.
I want to end up with a phrase I liked most,"Our world is surrounded by these species;respecting them must be our achievement not only for those who are independent, but for all of us". That's all for me. Thanks.
Dear Xenia, good evening. I would like you to tell me my mistakes in order for me to improve my essay. What are these mistakes? Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI used comma in my word "mistakes', which means this word means to be more carefull with your phrases like "giving an end to these species we are destroying our earth". you could write "by the death of all these creatures, the earth will be destroyed". Thanks
ReplyDeleteThank you Xenia very mutch for mentioning this and I agree with you. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra, your essay is nicely structured. It has an introduction, several paragraphs in the main body and a conclusion. I liked the part in the introduction where you compare a world without animals, with a “forest without trees”. Just from that, the reader can understand how important you consider the role of animals on earth. I also liked that you mention that humans earn their livings out of animals and then write your thesis statement which is the need for humans to respect animals not only because animals offer something to us.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that your essay has only a few mistakes regarding vocabulary and grammar, which is something positive. Correcting them will make your essay much better. I also realized from your description of the giraffe, that you probably confused it with the ostrich. I agree with Xenia when she mentions that you “should avoid repetition in some points”.
Alexandra, I liked the part that you compare the majestic peacock with the humble sparrow, and that you mention occasions in the penultimate paragraph where animals were an inspiration for human creativity.
My favorite part of your essay is in the final paragraph. Even though you could rephrase that, I agree with you that the destruction of nature by humans will have as a result our own destruction.
As I mentioned above, a thing that I didn't really like in your essay Alexandra, is that you put a lot of details. You could talk for example for two animals and write more details for those two. However the structure of your essay was very good in my opinion and the introduction and the conclusion are very interesting especially in the introduction where you write 'like a house without windows...'. I really liked what you did there.Another phrase that I liked a lot is 'We must respect them otherwise destroying the nature it will be a revenge for the nature to destroy us.' and I believe that too.
ReplyDeleteNext, I agree with Nicos about the grammar mistakes and vocabulary, there are not many but without them your essay could be even better.
Aslo, you used the method with the guestions in your essay and personaly i find it very good because it makes it interesting.
Dear Alexandra,
ReplyDeleteYour essay is very good and you organized it very well. I liked your introduction very much because you started by saying “Imagine a world without animals. It’s impossible! Is like a house without windows, a forest without trees, a human without lives” and that you said the importance of an animal. This is something true because we can’t imagine a world without animals, animals is a part of our life. I like to say that when you write a human without lives I think it would be better if you had put a human without life, it suits better. Then when you started your main body saying what Moore what trying to tell us from her essay by choosing certain animals and I agree with you that she had a reason and I believe the reason was for us to see animals from there world and what make them unique from each animal. In the third paragraph you were giving many details about the animals that Moore chosen in her essay and I think it would be nicer if you had said more things about the relation that animals have with humans as you said about the writers and the painters and the songs.Something else i like that to some points you used questions. Also I like how you start your conclusion by saying that “Animals are miracles!” We must respect the nature and not destroying it.
Dear, Elena
ReplyDeleteI agree with you when you said that is better to write ''a human without life''instead of live. Thank you for mentioning this because I was always had this problem of the two words and now I am able to see the difference.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAlthough criticizing is interesting and favorable, it is too difficult. The comments as you can see bellows are about four points: topic, introduction, main body and conclusion. I hope my comments will be useful.
ReplyDeleteFor starting, the topic is interesting but is general .It seems that is going to discuss about all animals. You should choose a specific topic.
Second, your introduction is good .it begins with a broad subject about animals and narrows down throughout introduction. But, there is some confusion in your introduction. It is started talking about “useful animals” that we use them for our survival needs. Where it is said: “There are many people whose lives depend on animals such as farmers, vegetarians or even vets.” But it is continued talking about “unique animals” .It is not clear that is talking about both “unique” and “useful” animals or just is concentrating on one. It is explained just about one point (unique). But I think it would be better if it was mentioned the 3 points such as animals as symbol, entertainment and pattern that already exists in the main body in the thesis statement. Nevertheless, I suggest it could be better to work on” Domestic animals” and “wild animals” in a comparison essay instead.
Furthermore, in main body it is explained about some points that I believe they are not well organized. it would be better to group similar examples and developing them in separate paragraph to emphasize more on them. For instance, elephant and tiger could be grouped as symbol and peacock and zebra as a pattern.
Finally, there is contrast between conclusion and the whole essay. At the begging it is mentioned about how useful they are in our life, whereas in the conclusion it is talking about causeless of killing animals.
In conclusion, its concepts and opinions are really interesting. But I believe if it was better structured in main body it would be more successful.